Four Last Songs
by MistyRiver
Summary: A songfic based around the lyrics of Strauss's 'Four Last Songs' suite, written by Herman Hesse and others. Chapter 1 Kyou's POV. Kyoru fluff. Chapter 2 Yuki's POV. SPOILERS! Set at the end of the manga series.
1. Spring

**Disclaimer : I don't own anything but the writing itself. "Four Last Songs" is a composition of Richard Strauss. "Fruits Basket" and all its characters and themes are owned by Natsuki Takaya.**

**A.N. : **OMG! This is my first posted work since 12th August 2005! What madness. I may be a little rusty. And it's Furuba! Ooh hoo hoo. How jolly. The inspiration for this fic came after attending the Ulster Youth Orchestra's 2006 concert in Guildhall. "Four Last Songs" was performed with soprano Mary Nelson. Her vocals were incredible and the talent of the musicians was… depressing to me, as a violinist who 'really should practice a little'. (I hate you Roxy!) But it was reading the English translation of the words to these songs that got to me first of all. It's a beautiful suite, and basically, what I'm gonna do is base a songfic around it. I don't know if I'll use different characters for each song… I'll work that out later. But I'll include the full lyrics of each song, in English, in italics, as we go along. Turns out the lines won't show on this, so a line of 'o's will mark the lyrics. Yup, 'o' marks the spot! So please… enjoy!

**Frühling (Spring)**

**o o o o o o**

_In twilight graveyards,_

_I dreamed too long_

_of your trees and blue skies,_

_of your scents and your birdsong._

**o o o o o o**

I was stuck.

Stuck in a hole, a deep, dark, dank, dreary hole.

A grave, I suppose.

Yes. I was digging myself into a grave.

I knew this. Of course I did. How could I not? But…

I knew I deserved it.

Why? Well, why not?

I was worthless.

I'd been _born_ worthless.

And that could never change. _Never._ It was foolish to think it would, or could.

So I dug.

But…

But.

As I dug, I got bored. You know, I'm sure that's happened to everyone. You do something you have to do, and it gets boring after a while. Well, I'd been digging for over ten years. Ever since I was old enough to understand what it meant to be 'worthless'. And ten years is plenty of time to get bored.

Well, when you get bored, sometimes you start to dream. To imagine things, scenes, faces, just to pass the time. And even though I knew I'd spend the rest of my life in this grave of mine, I began to wonder what it might be like outside it. Outside, where there were trees, and bright blue skies, and scents carried on the wind, and birds singing.

Memories to be made.

I dreamed of kind friends, of a kind family, of… of happiness.

And the more I dreamed… the more I began to believe. There's another feeling everyone experiences. Maybe you do something silly, or sad, and you… not lie… bend the truth a little, so you don't embarrass yourself. And the more you repeat this alternate truth, the sharper it becomes. You feel better after a while, and the past is left behind, bit by bit. Well, the feeling I got was something like that. I realised that there were people who had that blissful, carefree life, and… I wanted it.

More than anything, I wanted to get out of my grave, to stop dreaming and to be part of life.

I wanted to be saved…

But that could never happen.

No way.

So I just kept dreaming.

**o o o o o o**

_Now your charms are revealed,_

_glistening and ornamented,_

_bathed in light_

_like a jewel before me._

**o o o o o o**

I know what people say about me. I'm rough, I'm rude, I'm difficult, I'm crude… so how could I be expected to do anything but fight? If that's how I am… hell, that's just how I'll be.

Constantly digging makes me frustrated, and I take out my frustration on those around me. On the guys at school, the guys at Sohma House, everyone. After my mom died… that was when my worthlessness came to a head. I suppose that's really when I started digging. Before that, I'd always had mom to comfort me, to wrap me in wool and shield my eyes and ears from those who'd tell me what I really was. So when she was gone, it all just fell down on me.

"It's his fault… his fault she's dead. And who could blame her? With the _cat _for a son…"

"Why is he still alive, after practically killing his own mother? He'd be better off dead."

Not just whispers.

People made it obvious they hated me.

That's how it was, every day after she died. But there was one person who seemed on my side even then, though I didn't even know him. One person who found me, sheltered me, tried to help me.

And it was, I suppose, a coincidence, that it was Shishou. Because of him, I grew up learning how to vent my frustration – whether in a straight-out fight or a calmer discipline, living and learning with Shishou benefited me. I sometimes wonder whether it was just a coincidence – or whether his care for me was all part of some plan. But, you know, looking back… I wouldn't care. If it weren't for him, I'd have been dead long ago.

To be blunt.

But wait…

There's one other person to mention.

If it weren't for her… well, I might still be alive today, but I'd certainly be in a different state of mind.

Tohru.

Tohru Honda.

You know, I stood in front of her for a few minutes before even realising she existed. Stupid, I know. That frustration I've been talking about was giving me a hell of a time, and all I wanted was to smash some rat.

But then she stopped me.

Is that another coincidence? That the first time we met, her actions stopped me from bowing to my frustration?

Whatever it was, it annoyed me. This woman had just appeared and grabbed me from behind, right as I was getting into a swing. It pissed me off, she pissed me off… and the anger in me blinded me for a moment.

I can't really say it was love at first sight… more like second, or third. Like, it maybe took a day or two. Or more. Whatever, it happened.

I spent a while wondering who the hell this random girl was, in between making an ass of myself thorough injuring and insulting her. I was confused – I didn't know what to think. My head was whirling. It wasn't until the third day (now I remember) it cleared.

When clouds clear, blue skies break through. That's always how it goes, right? Well, not with me. When the clouds of rage cleared, the brightest it ever got was a kind of musky, foggy indigo. Not too much different from the clouds. But this time – the third day I'd known her – even the colour of the sky lifted.

I went to meet her on her way home from work. The dog had said something slightly tangible about perverts creeping around. Well, guess what? That's just what she thought I was. So she hit me. With her bag, I mean. Anyway, I thought that was it. That she hated me. That she was just another 'person' who'd happily see me dig my hole all the way to the centre of the earth.

Then she told me she loved me.

No, not like that. Don't be stupid. I'd only met her.

She meant, she loved me… as the cat.

Huh?

Because I'm the cat?

But I thought that was the reason I was so worthless? The reason people despised me?

How had she taken this… and made it something different?

Because it's her.

In that moment, the clouds broke. The blue sky, the light, shone through.

I saw a different world – one with her – and suddenly, my dream seemed possible.

Because of her, and her charm, and her acceptance of me. She suddenly glittered like a jewel in this new-found light I could suddenly see… and she was beautiful.

And she was my hope.

**o o o o o o**

_You know me once more,_

_you invite me gently._

_All my limbs tremble_

_at your divine presence._

**o o o o o o**

Tohru is the only one who knows me. The only one who can accept me for who I am. Maybe it's because she met me before she knew about the zodiac thing, but she found out soon enough after. Or maybe because she got to know me before she understood what it was all really about. Either way… I feel different with her. I can talk to her freely, and with her… my anger, my frustration, just seeps away.

The skies are brighter around her.

But… _how?_

How did I meet her? Is it all part of some other plan?

Well, duh. Isn't everything in this damn family? This plan, that plan, Akito says, Akito does…

But it's like with Shishou. I just don't care. Because it's helped me.

It's made me happy. And isn't that all anyone wants?

Someone to know.

Someone to love.

So she knows me, and she knows how I tick. She knows when I'm down, and when I need someone to talk to. And at those times, she's there. Right beside me. And she doesn't press me. She just… listens.

Often enough, she'll start talking about something completely off the subject that maybe seems relevant to her, but… hey. That's just her.

Sometimes I cry. Not in front of her, of course. When I'm alone. Just because it's so… incredible. So unbelievable. That I, the cat, the worthless cat, who was so busy digging my grave ever deeper… could have a chance at salvation. I shake, and I sob, and I smile.

I don't deserve it. How could I fool myself I do? By all means, I should still be digging my hole, getting deeper and deeper, further and further away from hope – but here I am.

I can see the trees, and smell the flowers. Things have taken on some new light since Tohru blundered into my life. Where she came from, or why… who knows? Who cares?

Because she's here, now. And that's what matters.

**A.N. : **AAAAAHHHHH! That was SOOOO fun! I don't know how long it'll take to carry this through. The only reason I got this written is because my parents are away and so I have peace for two days. So! Like it? Love it? Loathe it? (…heh heh…) Pleeeease review, good or bad! Hope you enjoyed! SRSLY! Xx

"Peace to the entire galaxy and to my bank account! Love, love!"


	2. September

**Disclaimer : All credit for Fruits Basket goes to Natsuki Takaya. Hermann Hesse is the author of the poem, 'September', and Richard Strauss is the composer of the 'Four Last Songs' suite.**

**A.N. : **Hwa! I'm alive, heh heh. I just finished my school exams, and I found an old floppy disk with half-finished fics on it, so I'll do my best to finish them and get them posted. Note, my best isn't always that good :-S… But at least I write occasionally! My computer is working reasonably well, but the internet is totally screwed. Any time I feel in the mood to write fics, my mum is on the computer complaining about the internet. But luckily she's away tonight and I have the computer all to me onesy, savvy. And I'm happy, because my new t-shirt just came in the post, and I've been listening to random LOUD music all night. I'll upload this in school, soon as I can. Gomen nasai!

Okaaay, Four Last Songs. So, 'Spring' was Kyou's POV. 'September' will be Yuki's. This might be a slightly different format, as I lost 'Spring' in a computer wipe, and I don't have the internet to reference to it. And, dammit, I don't have the manga to reference to, either. :-( I think this whole story is kind of at the end of the series. It's a simple idea – the Juunishi thinking about life, the Zodiac… and Tohru.

**WARNING: SPOILERS.** **I'm including stuff that happens** **in the final few chapters of the manga, so read on at your own risk.**

Final note: Does Yuki still think Akito's a guy? I think so, I can't really remember. Can anyone else?

**September**

**o o o o o o**

_The garden is in mourning._

_The cool rain falls upon the flowers._

_The summer shudders_

_quietly to its end._

**o o o o o o**

I feel… sad. Why is that?

Why are there tears on my cheeks?

I should be happy. It's over! It's over…

I'm free.

I'm free, and I know it, and I'm proving it right now. I'm proving it by having my arms around the girl I love. My _real_ arms.

I should be so happy, and yet… the tears still flow. Just like the rain, just like the river, just like life. I can't stop this happening. Am I weak?

I'm not weak. I've endured more than anyone should have to endure, and I've survived, if barely. Oh, am I whinging now? Well, it's true.

But somehow, I have the capacity to be happy here, with Machi in my arms. I'm sure she wonders what's wrong with me. Why am I quietly sobbing, soaking her hair with my tears? What's wrong with her that she can't make me happy?

I hope she doesn't think that.

I'm the happiest I've ever been. She's had her problems, and I've had mine, and somehow, by some miracle, we've worked them out, all in one moment. There's not a thing wrong with her, and that's why I'm crying - because she's enabled me to be normal.

No. Wait.

That's not true, is it?

Machi hasn't _enabled _me to be normal.

Someone else has done this – someone else has given me a normal body, a normal life.

Akito.

Akito has let go.

And who persuaded him to do that?

Oh.

Thank you, Tohru.

Thank you.

**o o o o o o**

_Leaf after golden leaf drops_

_from the tall acacia tree._

_Summer smiles, surprised and exhausted_

_in the fading dream of the garden._

**o o o o o o**

I don't know what I felt for Tohru initially. I was young – well, younger than now, anyway. I never thought about how I should treat her – I just acted like I always did. Kind, quiet, aloof, effortless. 'Charming', I suppose. Oh, I've heard that description more times than enough.

And, you know, it was only when Tohru came to live with us that I realized was an ass I must seem. I never showed feeling, I never cared – that I can say myself.

But, well… what else could I do?

I _couldn't _get close to anyone. I couldn't face the pain I would have to feel if I ever became too 'normal' for Akito's tastes, knowing that it would be those close to me who would suffer.

Then… along came Tohru, blundering along, head full or air… and heart full of innocent love. From the moment we discovered her in that blasted tent, totally oblivious to the illegality of what she was doing… I realized that she was different from everyone else. Sure, I knew who she was – I was in her class. But some classmate I'd been. I hadn't even batted an eyelid when her mother died – I never dreamed at the time that someday I'd be visiting her grave.

Tohru was such an open person – so easy to talk to, to act naturally around. I never once felt angry or frustrated because of her – and if she was there when I was feeling like that, she was able to leave me calm.

Happy that she was there.

Did I think I loved her?

I didn't know what love was.

I do now.

And I did. I loved her…

But not in the way I thought I did.

It took me so long to realise what I was feeling. For a long time, I had no idea – everything seemed messed up, a thousand different feelings twisting around my head, never one seeming definite.

I tried to work it out. I spent hours just thinking. What was happening? Why was I so confused?

And every day passed, and I only grew to love her more.

But… it never seemed _right_.

God, talk about teen angst.

It was all a dream. I was pushing myself, _forcing_ myself to 'realise' that I loved her, that I loved her just as much as Kyou did.

Oh, yeah. I knew Kyou loved her, even if he didn't know it himself. And I realised early on that only he could ever be 'the one' for her. Something… something just fell into place between them. Kyou changed, slowly, almost unnoticeably, but he changed. And right now, just as I'm here with the girl I love, I'm sure he's in Tohru's arms. Because that's just what happened.

Because I gave up.

Because I realised who she was.

_Mother._

My true mother never cared, couldn't care less if I lived or died, as long as she came out of it better off. But Tohru… she cared. I don't know if she understood, but it didn't matter. Because that's what a mother should do, right? Give care and comfort, even if she doesn't understand what's wrong? Yeah.

And Tohru was the only one who I _knew_ would do that.

It was a surprise to me, I'll say that – a surprise to suddenly come into the light. I felt like the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I knew why I loved her, and…

I felt like I could live again.

It's funny.

Tohru, in a weird way, caused my problems.

And then she solved them.

And now she's done it again.

Oh, Akito.

**o o o o o o**

_For a long time it lingers_

_with the roses, longing for rest._

_Slowly it closes its_

_weary eyes._

**o o o o o o**

So. Now I'm 'normal'.

'Normal'?

What's 'normal'?

I wonder how I'm going to live my life now. Presumably, I won't be forced to visit Akito again – though I will.

I never leave without saying goodbye.

Maybe I can go to college. Get a job. Maybe I can choose on my own. Maybe Mother won't…

Mother.

How's Mother going to take this? Will she take it quietly, submissive as ever to Akito? Or will she kick and scream and refuse to accept that I'm free?

And what will I do?

Will I care?

How can I choose? She's still my mother.

But she's not my master.

It's my life, and it's now or never.

I'm not afraid.

Machi's here.

It's the end of an era, and it's also the start of one. It'll take some getting used to, this 'normality'… maybe I'll miss being a rat-boy. I've never really thought about it. Much as I hated it, it was me. But I'll get over it.

It'll stop.

Because of Tohru.

Goodbye. I'm free.

**A.N. : **Ohmigoshes, is that it?! (:-O …kk… That felt really weird. Maybe just because I haven't written in so long. It seems shorter than 'Spring', and it's probably a slightly different style. I didn't have beyond Vol.14 of the manga to reference, and I couldn't be bothered to reference before it. So, sorry if there are any errors… Please review, I live to please!

Did you notice my little Bon Jovi tribute up thar? Tee hee…


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